The Myth of the Calling

...why purpose is built, not found

We talk about "finding your calling" as if it's a hidden object waiting to be discovered, buried in the right job, the right place, or under enough self-help rhetoric. But purpose doesn’t work like that. In practice, a calling is rarely found. It's formed slowly, unevenly, and often without certainty. It’s not a signal you receive. It’s something you build through action, reflection, and repetition.

The idea that everyone has one fixed, singular purpose is appealing. It gives people a sense of order. It frames life as a puzzle, with a clear solution. But the research doesn’t back that up. Psychologists like Carol Dweck and Angela Duckworth have shown that growth often comes not from clarity at the start, but from persistence in the absence of it. A “growth mindset” isn’t about knowing where you're going, it's about moving forward even when you don’t.

This is where people get stuck. They confuse passion with purpose and they believe they need to feel excited in order to begin. But most worthwhile work feels ordinary at first. The early stages of a meaningful path don’t often feel meaningful. Instead they feel confusing, boring, like maintenance. People expect purpose to feel good but discomfort is often the first sign that something is worth paying attention to. Restlessness is not a flaw; it’s information.

And the idea that your calling must feel unique is another trap. People assume that if something matters to them, it must look extraordinary. But a calling doesn’t have to be dramatic to be real. It can look like doing the same thing every day with more intention. It can look like choosing to do one thing well instead of chasing novelty. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s work on “flow”, the focused state where time drops away and effort feels natural, points to this. What matters is not the status of the work, but the way you engage with it.

There’s also a deeper layer here: agency. People often speak about calling as though it’s something external, something that happens to you. But the truth is harsher. The life you want won’t appear fully formed. It’s shaped by what you practice, what you pursue, what you tolerate, and what you refuse. You hold the raw material but no one is going to sculpt it for you. Every decision either brings you closer to or further from the kind of person you want to be.

And not choosing is still a choice. Waiting until you’re “ready” has a cost. Time moves whether you move with it or not. People spend years trying to figure out what they’re “meant” to do, as if meaning is assigned by someone else. But meaning is made. It emerges through action. It becomes clearer as you build, revise, and commit.

This isn’t to say that everyone has equal access to opportunity. People start from vastly different circumstances. But everyone has access to attention. Everyone has the ability to notice what feels off, what calls for change, what keeps resurfacing even when ignored. And that’s where the work begins, not with perfect knowledge, but with honest noticing.

The fantasy of a calling is that it arrives ready. The reality is that it arrives unfinished. The only way to uncover it is to move before you’re sure. To take your interests seriously even when they feel inconvenient or unremarkable. To act before you feel ready. And to keep going when it doesn’t feel magical.

You don’t find your calling. You commit to something small, then you build a life around what it asks of you. And over time, if you stay with it, that life starts to make sense.

- B

If any of this stayed with you, it is because you recognised something true. Whether you speak or not, the place where that truth sits is yours to hold.

I’d love to hear how… feel free to share your thoughts… whether in the comments, the chat, or directly with me xx